Soul Making in the Age of Big Tech

How Big Tech undermines spiritual growth

May 23, 2025

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Cell phones and social media are rewiring the brains of the youth, and not for the better. That’s what Jonathan Haidt argued in his seismically influential best-seller The Anxious Generation. He traces the dismal decline in mental health among the young to their near-addiction-level attachment to their devices and social media. His thesis got me wondering about how the dynamics of life in the age of Big Tech undermine our most basic human activity: soul making.

Drawing on the work of Oxford intellectual historian Howard Hotson, Haidt views Big Tech as the advanced expression of a central Enlightenment aim: get the biggest result from the least possible effort. To put that another way, all roads in the social media universe lead to life hacks, to increasingly effortless shortcuts for making life’s biggest dreams come true. Discomfort, effort, patience, frustration, and perseverance are negative experiences to be avoided at all costs.

There’s just one problem when it comes to soul making. The process of spiritual growth requires discomfort, effort, patience, frustration, and perseverance. We yearn for a full-hearted life: to have a sense of who we are, that we are being true to ourselves, and that what we do in this world matters. To be passionate about a purpose, to have genuine relationships with others, and to take joy in being alive. There are no shortcuts to a full-hearted life. And a culture that trains us to look for life hacks can leave us woefully unprepared to undergo the rigors of soul making.

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Jesus teaches us that friendship, genuine friendship, is essential to soul making. In fact, he called his followers friends before his Passion. And since the resurrection he sends the Holy Spirit as friend to all who are open to an intimate relationship with him. But to be clear, he’s not promising to give us a good time or grease the skids of life. Instead, he’s promising to stretch us.

On the night before he died on the cross, Jesus told his friends that he would send the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, and that the Advocate “will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you.” (John 14:26)

The late Bible commentator Raymond Brown prefers to stick to the Greek word Paraclete. He thinks that the word Advocate suggests a lawyer, someone who might defend us in court. The word Paraclete refers to someone who stands alongside as a friend, as someone who helps us grow into full-hearted life we long for.

We learn by bonding with the Spirit. The medieval theologian Thomas Aquinas said that this bonding results in connatural knowledge. It’s a visceral, emotional, volitional understanding. We learn it not through the intellect but through love. The love between friends. Let’s turn to the book of Proverbs to see what Jesus would have meant by friendship.

A friend is different from a family member. You don’t choose your siblings or your parents. They may be very supportive. Then again, they may not like you so much. Mostly they’ll put up with you, but not always. By contrast, friendship is deliberate. A friend chooses to be your friend. “A true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.” (Proverbs 18:24)

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During his earthly ministry Jesus had been teaching his followers how to discern the loving thing to do—the God-inspired thing to do—in all the messy, varied, complex situations they would encounter. Proverbs calls that kind of discernment wisdom.

None of us can exercise wisdom on our own. We need counsel. In fact, wisdom begins with the recognition that we need guidance to navigate this life: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10) The word “fear” here means something like awe, the recognition that God is God, and we are not.

And so, wise people recognize the limits of their own wit and the folly of stubborn self-reliance. They acknowledge their need for divine help to walk the way of love in this confusing, tumultuous world. As Proverbs tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

In addition to giving us direction, a good counselor will also be honest with us when we’ve gone off the rails. A true friend will tell us those things that we would rather not hear. Hard truth may not be pleasant to receive, but it does more for our souls than flattery ever could. The writer of Proverbs puts it this way: “Well meant are the wounds a friend inflicts…Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens the wits of another.” (Proverbs 27:6, 17)

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Admittedly, some people will say intentionally hurtful things in the guise of telling the truth in love. Their real aim is to get in a dig without taking responsibility for the pain they cause. A genuine friend doesn’t do this. And that’s not how the Spirit operates. As Jesus said, “I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.” (John 15:11)

You see, the Spirit understands us from the inside. Jesus told his friends, “The Spirit of Truth … abides with you.” (John 14:17) So, we can be assured that the Spirit’s counsel—even the most challenging counsel—comes from a place of infinite compassion.

Here’s how Proverbs describes a friend’s counsel: "Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice." (Proverbs 27:9) A friend’s counsel is “heartfelt.” The Spirit’s advice is always an expression of Jesus’ love for us. Jesus assured his friends, “I will not leave you orphaned.” (John 14:18)

Whether the sailing is smooth or the seas are treacherous, whether we’re on the top of our game or at a dismally low bottom, the Spirit is there. Hanging with us, guiding us, and leading us to the next step of the path we walk together. Again and again, the Spirit challenges us and stretches us. There is no life hack for soul making. But there is also no substitute for our yearning for the full-hearted life that we were created for in the first place.

A portion of this reflection is adapted from my latest book A Full-Hearted Life.

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